Sometimes being an obsessive Real Housewives of Orange County fan can escalate to a level where you actually take on the characteristics of the ladies (you’ve been pretending your house isn’t in foreclosure, haven’t you?). In celebration of tonight’s season 8 premiere — 8pm on Bravo — read on to find out if you are, in fact, a RHOOC!
1.) Are you trying desperately to get pregnant with a man who’s dated half of your co-workers? If so, you might be turning into Gretchen Rossi, who’s storyline this season is focused on her attempts to procreate with broke “entrepreneur” Slade Smiley, her live in lover. Before linking up with Gretchen, Slimy — woops, Smiley — slept with two of the original housewives, Joe de la Rosa and Laurie Waring.
2.) Do you play Bunco? The inexplicable parlor game (it involves dice and teams, don’t ask) is favored by Housewife Tamra Barney. Her annual Bunco parties are usually drenched in tequila, costumes, and loads of plot-advancing drama.
3.) Are you a devout Christian with massive silicone-enhanced breasts? You have a lot in common with Alexis Bellino — aka “Jesus Jugs” — and new Housewife, Lydia McLaughlin. Their unflagging religious devotion is surpassed only by their commitment to plastic surgery and pageant-worthy weaves.
4.) Are you dating a shady Southern drifter who’s first name is a last name? If so, you might be emulating the last original cast member, Vicki Gunvalson. Last season, she divorced her long-suffering hubby and took up with a mysterious person named Brooks Ayers. He has a Yosemite Sam accent and is unable to explain what he truly does for a living.
5.) Have you threatened to quit your toxic job, but keep coming back for more? After a particularly trying seventh season (the girls ganged up on her several times, accusing her of being too braggy about her fancy cars and bags), Alexis Bellino told several media outlets that she was quitting the show. But the Alexis Couture designer has returned for more abuse — and with a snazzy new haircut!