It’s always hard when a prepubescent pop star becomes an adult, isn’t it? On the one hand, how could David Letterman be that offended by Justin Bieber‘s new tattoo last night when the Biebs has been getting up to various scandals for at least a year now? “Oh god, how many do you have?,” Letterman moaned at the sight of Justin’s new “Believe” tattoo; “Granpas!” Justin just laughed. On the other hand, we understand. We all want to feel like Justin is still that same cherub who sang, “Baby, Baby, Baby.” Just look at those little tiny bangs! Look at them!
But if the details of Bieber’s increasingly adult life are to be believed, at 18 Justin is deep into Grown Man Territory. Hey, half of you should be really happy about this! The older Justin gets, the less creepy it is for us to have his autographed photo in our cubicle. We mean…in your cubicle. Need more evidence that the only thing still baby-like about Justin is that face? Check out our timeline of Justin Bieber’s scandals below, and weep:
[Photo: Splash News Online]
- Allegedly beating up the paparazzi: Bieber is straight up getting sued for criminal battery after punching a photographer who was allegedly hounding him this May. You know who else punches out paparazzi? Alec Baldwin. Also Alec Baldwin? The photo you see when you look up the word “man” in the dictionary. The dictionary we wrote and self-published.
- Taking punching lessons with Mike Tyson: Okay, we know it’s called “boxing” but boxing is just punching with a bell! No kid is (or should be) hanging out with Mike, like Justin was this spring. No offense; we loved The Hangover as much as the next person, but seriously.
- Writing a song about his alleged baby mama: Justin also taunted Mariah Yeater on Twitter this past April after she falsely accused him of fathering her child: “You will never get this.” We’re pretty sure Biebs was not referring to his ability to still hit those high notes.
- Getting his butt grab on with Selena Gomez: All this stuff from last summer is adult. Like, adult bookstore adult. Or the new adult bookstore, the Internet.
- Posing covered in blood for Complex Magazine: Justin slapped on some fake blood in March; it’s almost a right of passage for pop stars to pose in an overtly violent and/or sexual magazine spread, no? Just ask them Glee kids!
- Having a “junk nickname” bestowed on him via Twitter: In April it was revealed that Justin Bieber’s wiener is known the world over as Jerry. Your argument (that he is somehow still a child) is invalid.