These days, you don’t know you’ve made it until someone’s shopping around a nude photo or sex tape of you — whether or not you actually made one. In 2012, we were surprised to see the sheer variety of famous people whose intimate moments and communiques were leaked, or threatened to be. Olympians, actors, princes and pop stars were all subject to exposure, much to our simultaneous horror and delight. We hope this doesn’t humiliate them anew, but we decided to recap them all here, in their many flavors:
The Leaks We Saw (and Sometimes Wish We Could Unsee):
Hulk Hogan’s Sex Tape: The weird lighting, the full sushi belly, the ringtone from his daughter’s single — so much about Hulk’s tape with Heather Clem is humiliating in its own right. But when you add the fact that it was allegedly taped by Clem’s husband, Hulk’s pal Bubba the Love Sponge, it reaches new levels of ick. No wonder Hogan originally said he didn’t remember any of this going down. We’d like to forget it too.
Prince Harry’s Strip Billiards: Here is someone we actually wouldn’t mind seeing full-monty. Except it’s kind of unfair that he was snapped while obviously drunk and unawares in the middle of a game of strip billiards in Vegas. The photo was unsatisfyingly blurry, and we felt really bad about the reaming out his grandma probably gave him.
Miley Cyrus in a Bathtub: This tastefully done nude was apparently shot by a professional photog friend of Miley’s a couple of years ago and intended for fiance Liam Hemsworth’s eyes only. That makes the gift a little less special, so it makes us a little sad.
Gymnast Danell Levya’s Sexxxy Bathroom Pics: A disgruntled ex paramour shared a handful of photos with Deadspin at the height of the U.S. Olympic gymnastics team’s fame. If the whole sports thing doesn’t work out, it looks like someone has a future in underwear modeling!
Chad Ochocinco’s Christmas Spectacular: Capping off a banner year for Chad Johnson, a tape he made with two ladies in Florida three years ago hit the Web on Christmas Day. The football player immediately turned to the FBI to have it taken down.
The Leaks We Know Happened But Never Saw:
Kanye West Lives His Dream With a Kim Kardashian Look-alike: Long before the existence of Kimye, Yeezy was a superfan of Kim K’s sex tape with Ray J. It appears that he was such a fan, he made a tribute video with a girl who looks suspiciously like Kim, at least according to the lucky folks who saw it, which, thanks to Kanye’s lawyers, will never be us.
Carly Rae Jepson Naked Maybe: Right after it was proven that some “leaked” nude photos of the “Call Me Maybe” singer were not of her, her laptop was stolen and, as luck would have it, some real photos of her along with it. Just this month, a Vancouver man was accused of the crime.
Tyson Beckford Is Not Tyrese Gibson: Yes, if given the opportunity, we probably would have watched Tyson pleasuring himself during a video chat, because he is super hot. But the fact that this video also reportedly includes the model complaining about all those times people confuse him with Tyrese does kind of detract from the sexiness. We imagine.
Tulisa Constavlos Is Ultra Pissed: When a cell phone video of herself performing a sex act on an ex hit the Web, the British pop star and X Factor judge skipped the denials and went straight to Youtube offensive. She pointed the finger at ex-boyfriend Justin Edwards, a.k.a. Ultra, for posting the vid. Burn!
The Leaks Being “Shopped Around”:
We don’t know very much about these photos and videos, other than the fact that someone, somewhere thought they were worth trying to sell to the highest bidder, and just that rumor alone was enough to pique our interest. Here’s a brief list:
Leaks We Don’t Entirely Believe To Be True:
Olivia Munn and Christina Hendricks Fake Phone-Hacked? Well, even after publicists denied that topless photos of the busty Hendricks and full frontals of the outspoken Munn were real, some bloggers went to a lot of trouble trying to prove otherwise. Call us naive, but we’d rather take the ladies’ word for it.
Kim K and Ray J The Sequel: Both Kardashian and Vivid Entertainment disappointed the world when they announced that no, there was no Kim Kardashian Superstar Part II in existence. (Yet.)
Heather Morris Suspiciously Headless: We never officially decided whether the photos said to be from Glee star Morris’ hacked phone were real, but headless pics — and the above weirdly photoshopped angle — always raise our doubts.
Emma Stone and Adele Sex Tapes? We just have a really hard time believing that either one of these ladies would have done this, even before they were famous.
Oops! Self-Leaks!
Soulja Boy Tumblr’Em: After posting a rather impressive photo of himself on Tumblr, Soulja quickly deleted it and wrote, “I apologize to ever seen that, accident.” Really, no need to be sorry.
Alison Pill’s “Tech Issues”: The Newsroom actress accidentally posted a topless pic of herself and blamed her own lack of tech savvy. “Yep. That picture happened,” she wrote. “Ugh. My tech issues have now reached new heights, apparently. How a deletion turned into a tweet… Apologies.”
Jenny McCarthy’s Very Happy Dentist: On the Wendy Williams Show, the comedian recounted how an attempt to send her (elderly) dentist a photo of her son’s abscessed gum inadvertently turned into a naughty sext.
Leaks Worse Than Nudes And Sex Tapes:
Paris Hilton’s Taxicab Confessions: In the back of a cab, the socialite told her gay friend that the men on Grindr were disgusting and “probably have AIDS.” In the front of the cab, the driver recorded every word with glee.
Mel Gibson Maybe Hates the Beatles And the Jews?: After screenwriter Joe Eszterhas posted a letter to Gibson, with whom he was working on a movie about the Maccabees, outlining all the terrible things the actor had said to him about how John Lennon deserved to die, the Jews killed Pope John Paul II and more, Eszterhas’ son went and released a recording of a Gibson rant. And yes, he still sounds crazy after all these years.
Mitt Romney’s 47 Percent: We couldn’t leave out the recorded fundraiser comment that may have helped the former governor lose the presidential election. Mitt, it looks like your math was a little off!
And with that, we’ll say happy new year, everyone! Here’s to a not-entirely-waterproof 2013!
[Photos: Tumblr, Getty Images, Twitter]
Source: Nude Pics, Sex Tapes And More: 25 Most Embarrassing Celebrity Leaks Of 2012
